Like every religion, the Craft has its ways of marking a birth, a marriage and a death. They are simple, they are made afresh for each family, and none of them binds a child.
The rites described here are not oathbound. They are public occasions, or at least family ones, attended by friends and relations who are not witches, and each is composed for the people concerned. There is a traditional shape to each, and it is that shape which is given below.
Wiccaning: the blessing of a child
When a child is born to a member of the Craft, the parents may ask for a Wiccaning. The child is brought into a circle, or simply into a gathering of family and friends, and presented to the four quarters and to the Goddess and the God. The gods are asked to watch over the child. A name is given. Sponsors, who are the Craft's godparents, promise to stand by the child and to be someone to turn to.
One thing is always made explicit, usually in the words of the rite itself. The child is not made a witch and is not committed to anything. A Wiccaning asks a blessing. It does not make a promise on the child's behalf. Witches hold that religion is a matter for adult choice, and children of the Craft are brought up to know what their parents believe and to make up their own minds. Many choose otherwise, and are loved none the less.
Handfasting: marriage
A Wiccan wedding is called a handfasting, from the old northern custom of joining hands to seal a betrothal. It is usually held out of doors if the season allows, in a circle marked with flowers, and guests of all religions and none are welcome within it.
The couple make their vows to each other in words they have chosen. Their right hands are then joined and bound together with a cord or ribbon, which is said to be the origin of the expression tying the knot. They exchange rings. And at the end, by a custom much older than the Craft, they jump together over a besom laid on the ground, to cross the threshold into their new life.
The traditional term of the vows varies. Some couples promise for life. Some promise for as long as love shall last. Another form binds the couple for a year and a day, after which the vows may be renewed for good. A handfasting may unite any two adults who are free to marry. Same-sex couples were being handfasted in the Craft long before the law made provision for them.
The legal position in Britain
This differs between the nations of the United Kingdom, and couples should check the present rules for themselves, since marriage law has been under review.
- In Scotland, a handfasting conducted by an authorised pagan celebrant is a legal marriage, and has been since 2004.
- In Northern Ireland, the first pagan celebrant was authorised to conduct legal marriages in 2015, and a handfasting conducted by a registered officiant is a legal marriage.
- In England and Wales, a handfasting has no legal effect in itself. Couples who wish to be married in law hold a civil ceremony at a register office as well, often a day or two beforehand, and regard the handfasting as their real wedding.
Where a handfasting has been dissolved, the Craft has a short rite of handparting, in which the cord is untied or cut and each releases the other with goodwill.
The rites for the dead
The Craft's teaching about death is set out on the page about death and rebirth. Its rites for the dead are of two kinds.
The funeral
There is no restriction in Britain on the form a funeral ceremony may take, and a witch may be buried or cremated with a pagan rite led by a member of the coven or by a pagan celebrant. Because the mourners will usually include family and friends who are not of the Craft, the rite is kept simple and open. The four quarters may be acknowledged. The life is remembered. The dead person is commended to the Goddess and the God, to rest and to return. Something of the season is generally laid on the coffin: spring flowers, an ear of corn, a branch of yew.
A growing number of witches choose to lie in a natural burial ground, under a tree, which suits the Craft's view of the matter very well.
The coven's farewell
Separately, and in private, the coven meets in circle to take its own leave of a member who has died. This rite is sometimes called a requiem. The dead witch's place in the circle is left empty, their name is spoken, and what the coven owes them is said aloud. The rite ends with the old words of parting: merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again.
The dead are then remembered each year at Samhain.
Other thresholds
The three rites above are traditional. Others have grown up in the wider pagan world and are sometimes kept in Wiccan families: a rite of welcome to adulthood for a young person who wants one, a rite for a woman at the menopause, sometimes called a croning, and a blessing on retirement or on becoming an elder. None of these is part of the Gardnerian inheritance, and there is no set form. They are a sign of a living religion finding ways to mark the things its people care about.
Initiation is also, of course, a rite of passage, and for many witches the greatest of their lives. It is dealt with on the pages about lineage and initiation and the three degrees.
In our coven
Since 1981 the Coven of Cythrawl has blessed nine children, handfasted seven couples and buried four of its own. The cord used at our handfastings is the same one every time, a plait of red, white and blue wool made by Hesper in our first year, and each couple adds a knot to it.